Life Keeps Rolling On

Life Keeps Rolling On
Showing posts with label wonderful people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wonderful people. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Deep Thoughts from Anatevka

Our family tries to do a community theater production at least once a year.  This year, we've come back to Anatevka for Fiddler on the Roof.  It's our second time here, but with different points of view--Jason is Tevye, and I am Golde.  Russell is the mean Russian Sasha, and Kira and Jessica are beautiful townspeople with big hearts. 

Jason and I have spent hours talking about our characters, their relationships with each other and their daughters, and their dedication to their faith. There was a statement the other night that we shouldn't be like Tevye.  I rankled at the statement. True, we don't want to outright reject our youth who make choices against our own wishes, but I'd like to present the other side of the story, and I'd like to point out the positive side of Tevye's decision.

First of all, Fiddler on the Roof is a play about the line between tradition and covenant, culture and gospel, practical application of our limited understanding and what God really wants us to do and be. Through the course of the play, the line is blurred for Tevye and his family.  First, his oldest daughter arranges her own marriage and begs Tevye to dissolve the agreement he has already made with the town's butcher.  She asks if Tevye's agreement is more important than she is.  Tevye sees that his daughter is more important than an agreement, and he finds a way to let Tzeitel marry the man she loves without compromising his faith or his covenant. There are members of the village who are upset with Tevye, but they get over it.  

His second daughter breaks tradition, not only by arranging her own marriage, but by determining to marry with or without Tevye's permission.  They ask for his blessing, still keeping him in the loop, but they will do things their way.  Hodel and Perchik are still married under a canopy, but without the family's direct involvement. 

Daughter number three crosses the line between tradition and covenant.  She breaks her covenant and marries a Russian soldier in a Catholic church.  Chava knows what this choice means.  She knows that by doing this, she is essentially choosing her romantic relationship over everything her family has taught her.  She knows that she will no longer belong to the community of Anatevka (not just to her family) if she chooses to marry this young man.  She marries him anyway. It begs the question--does Tevye really reject Chava?  

Tevye has an ongoing conversation with God throughout the play. God is his confidant, his friend, and Tevye takes his covenant with God very seriously. In the Sabbath prayer, they pray that their family be kept from the stranger's ways.  It is part of their covenant that they marry within the faith.  Marrying outside of the faith to this covenant people is more serious than marrying outside of the faith in most religions.  I am LDS, and the only thing I can compare it to is asking to have your name removed from the records of the church.  You are removed from the covenant that connects you to the generations before you, and you sever the line that connects the covenant to your children.  This is what Chava does--she removes herself from the covenant community.  Tevye asks God if there is a way around this.  There has been a way around the tradition breaking that occurs with his other two daughters, but there is no way around this one. The other two daughters broke tradition, but this daughter is breaking a covenant. Tevye is forced to choose between his covenant and his daughter.  With tears and sorrow, he chooses his covenant. 


There is a moment when it seems Tevye might be spared from his exile because of Chava. The Russian constable says that he thinks Tevye might be able to stay in Anatevka because of her marriage to a Christian, but Tevye promptly says, "my daughter is dead to us."  He chooses to be exiled with the covenant people.  This is what his dedication to his faith brings him, and he is willing and able to accept it.

Why is it that we teach our youth to blaze their own trails, find their own paths, and exhibit personal strength in pursuit of their dreams and goals, but we expect parents to waffle to their adult children? I admire Tevye. He is committed to his covenant, to his God. He demonstrates the faith and determination that we admire in our youth. Kudos to Tevye for keeping his covenant, and for passing that strength on to his daughters.


Then, there is the relationship between Tevye and Golde.  Oy!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Grad School

I haven't blogged in almost a year, and during that time, I've been neck-deep in grad school.  What an intense experience this has been!  It seems that so much happens in a week. And because I'm learning so much in such a short amount of time, I feel like I'm changing constantly.  Some things become more clear and some become clouded with more questions. 

Most of this year has been spent trying to figure out what I want to focus on.  That has finally been settled.  I am earning an MS in Human Development and Social Policy with a Disability Certificate.  What does that mean, do you ask?  It means that when I graduate, I will be qualified to work for government or non-profit organizations, especially those that focus on services for people with disabilities.  My graduate project is unique and intensely exciting for me.  I'll be the assistant editor on a book about aging and autism (Published by JKP in London), and I'll also be the co-author of the introductory chapter.   In preparation for this chapter, I am currently researching the history of autism definitions and diagnostics, and putting these paradigm shifts in a historical context to explore the implications for society and the future of individuals and families touched by the disorder.  It has been 70 years since the first diagnosis given by Dr. Leo Kanner in 1943.  Autism was considered a psychosis back then, and was often blamed on emotionally distant parenting.  It's interesting to think of how much things have changed.

Researching autism has been interesting for me on a personal level.  It seems only natural for me to question the elements that came together to bring autism into my family, and to consider the community around us and how it has influenced our situation.  I am so grateful for all of the people who have supported us and loved us.  I'm grateful for the people who have embraced Jessica without fear and without hesitation.  Everyone with autism in their family should be so blessed.

I'm pensive to the point of rambling, and blogging in an attempt to make sense of even a portion of what is in my mind. I feel like a pixel--a small part of a huge picture in history.  It's so interesting to me that we can feel things so intensely and be so aware of the immediacy of our situations and simultaneously see how little we are.  But, the little changes we make in our own lives and in the lives of those around us add up.  My little changes are part of the big changes that are happening.  My understanding will add a tiny drop to this book that will be the first of its kind, and may influence thoughts on autism for the next few years as Jessica's cohort ages out of school and transitions into adulthood.  This book may have some influence on social policy and community inclusion as she outlives me and relies on others to support and keep her healthy and engaged.  At least, that is what I hope for.  I want to make a difference.  I want to make life better for Jessica and everyone like her.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

A Conversation with my Daughter About Romance

Tonight, while washing dishes with me, Kira asked, "Have you ever dreamed about a fairy tale romance?"

"Sure," I said.  "When I was a teenager."

Kira sighed.

"Ah, but real romance is better than fairy tale romance," I said, as the anti-princess in me surfaced.

"Why?" my innocent daughter asked.

"Well, a fairy tale romance is all about, what?"

"The first kiss," Kira said, sounding dreamy.

"Yeah, and how many of those do you get?"

"One," she said.  "Until you kiss a new guy."

Yeah, that was another subject for another day.....  "And then what happens?" I asked.  "Is the romance over?"

Kira replied, "They live happily ever after."

"And what does that mean?" I asked.  "Does that ever happen?  In real life, you learn how to be happy even when you're miserable."

Unsatisfied, she asked me about my first kiss.

"It was really awkward," I said.

"And your second kiss was..." she sighed loudly.  "What was your second kiss like?"

I thought about it for a moment, then said, "I don't remember."

She seemed disappointed.

I thought about kisses, and the kisses that matter.  Then, I said, "You know what kiss I remember most?"

"Which kiss?"

I replied honestly.  "The kiss I got today from your dad."

:)  Yeah.  That's romance, baby!


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Expression of Gratitude

Sunday afternoons are the perfect time to sit and ponder how blessed we have been this year. A couple of years ago, I was thinking that going back to school would be nice. Something I'd always wanted to do, but never made any specific plans in that direction. Then, for the second time in my life, I did something just because I realized it was time. I had no idea how it would work out--no idea how I would afford it or if I could make it fit with my family's needs. I jumped in, having faith that we'd be able to figure everything out.

I will graduate in May. Finally, I'll finish something I started when I was 18 years old. It's kind of hard to believe.

And The Lord has helped me all along, through promptings and through the people around me. I felt impressed to sign up for a class called Creativity and Cognition, which was only taught on Tuesdays at 2:00. This meant that I wouldn't be home when Jessica's bus comes to drop her off. I worried about creating a burden for others, but felt that it was important for me to take this class. My visiting teacher came to the rescue and told me she would arrange to have someone at my house to get Jessica off the bus and stay with her until Kira gets home. Every Tuesday, someone has been here. It's lifted a tremendous burden and allowed me to take a class that has not only been fun and educational, but it has had additional benefits. The professor is involved in selection of Masters Program participants, and she also heads up the research program called iStar, which works on developing software and educational programs for children with autism. Not only was I able to get into the Master's Program, but this professor has already told me that she wants me to be part of her team. My mom even told me on the first day of this semester that I needed to check out the iStar program, because she read a newspaper article about it right before that semester started. Amazing how things work out.

I've seen miracles happen with family members--my sister-in-law Barbara and my nephew-in-law, Jake were both on the brink of death, but due to Priesthood blessings and miraculous turn-arounds, both of them survived.

We have been stuck in a bad mortgage with a high interest rate for the past 2 1/2 years, and through several problems and complications, we were unable to refinance. We tried again, and it looks like this time, it will work. If everything continues to go well, we'll close at the end of the week. This will lower our mortgage payment by nearly $700 per month, because of the interest rate alone. If the Post Office stops Saturday delivery, our pay cut will be just slightly more than that, but this goes a long way toward improving our situation, and we have a few months with this "extra" money before Jason might begin to have Saturdays off. (Although, I'll believe that the Post Office will get rid of Saturdays when I see it....)

The Master's Program I was accepted into includes an assistantship, which waives my tuition and pays me a stipend for part-time work in the department. Without this assistantship, I wouldn't be able to get my Master's Degree. This will also be a challenge for our family, and we'll have to make some day care arrangements for Jessica. (Three days a week is a bit much to rely on my neighbors for.) It will be very different, and everyone will have to pick up the slack. I'll spend the summer teaching the children how to cook. :) Still, the way things have fallen together--more importantly, the way I've followed promptings and impressions to get us here--I'm sure that things will work out.

I'm grateful for these changes in our lives, and I hope my family is grateful for them too. I hope it means bigger and better things for us in the future!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

An Interview with Robison Wells

It's been forever since I've posted, but I had to post this interview I did with my friend, Robison Wells.  This interview was done as an assignment for my Creativity and Cognition class, and it was an absolute delight.  I hope you have as much fun reading as I did interviewing Rob and writing this mini-biography. 


 Robison Wells, Compulsive Creator

            I met Rob Wells at a book signing, back when writing was his hobby instead of his full-time job.  He was personable and funny, and I liked him immediately.  Since his writing and characters were also funny and personable, I ignored my budget, bought his books, and became an instant fan.   

            His newer novel, “Variant,” has been nominated for a Children’s Literature Association of Utah Beehive Award for Young Adult Fiction, 2013.  The book has a different tone than the books I bought all those years ago—the humor is more edgy and sarcastic, the characters are manipulated and deceived, and devastating things happen to them.  “Variant” lingers in the recesses of the mind, and is particularly poignant for its teenaged audience.  My niece is a big fan of Rob’s work, and visibly shivered with excitement when I told her I had an advanced copy of his sequel, “Feedback.” 

            It’s every author’s dream to affect a reader in this way—to have them practically ache to read more of the story that bounces around in your head for months.  Rob kind of fell into the writer’s dream.  Though his family was supportive of the arts—his brother was a writer, his sister danced, and Rob took oil painting classes from the age of ten—Rob never even considered becoming a writer.  It wasn’t until he was studying history in college that something sparked an idea.  He approached his brother, Dan (who is also a published author and quite successful) and suggested he put the idea into a story.  Dan told Rob to do it himself. 

            Dan Wells, author of the “I am not a Serial Killer” series, and Brandon Sanderson, author of “The Wheel of Time” series, were members of a writer’s group.  This wasn’t the feel-good “ooh, I like your story,” type of writing group.  These men took their work seriously, and Rob probably didn’t know what he was getting into when he started attending their meetings.  “They nearly beat the love of writing out of me,” Rob said.  “They made it very clear how terrible I was.” 

            The first book Rob wrote was “a weird kind of historical semi-fantasy thing, and I never really felt like it was a good fit for me.”  So, he took some age-old advice that writers have discussed for generations.  He decided to write what he knew.  “I wrote a very autobiographical book about a small town where I used to live.  When I finished it I thought I might as well try to get it published.  I literally just picked up a book my wife was reading, checked the spine to see who the publisher was, and then sent the book to them.”  This was one of the books published by Covenant—one of the books that made me laugh and spend outside my budget. 

            Though he was clearly a good writer, the idea of writing full-time and making a living still hadn’t crossed his mind.  He continued school, changed his major five times, and finally told people he was studying architecture just to have an answer to their questions.  Rob was interested in theater as well, and while he attended the University of Utah, he had his first paying gig writing for RED Magazine.  The biggest perk to the job was free tickets to plays.  He learned quickly that he was more interested in theater than he was in journalism.  “…it was great when I got to watch good stuff, but I also had to report on industry news and do feature stories about experimental stuff, and I just didn’t enjoy it.  It wasn’t a particularly creative kind of writing, and it wasn’t a subject I was interested in.” 

            That affinity for theater shows in his rich, realistic dialogue.  I love good characters with flaws and vulnerabilities, and Rob’s characters are strikingly realistic.  When I asked him how he accomplishes this, his reply amazed me, as it demonstrates an approach I had never considered.  “I used to base my characters on real people, and then I realized that was hampering me more than helping—I wasn’t really creating characters; I was fitting clunky impersonations into my book.  I think with me, it all comes down to conflict.  I look at the setting or the plot first and then I try to come up with characters who will come into the most conflict with that.  I also spend a lot of time—the biggest amount of my writing time, I think—focusing on voice.  If I can get the dialogue moving smoothly, then I know that my characters will feel realistic.” 

            As I interviewed Rob, I thought of a lecture from my Creativity and Cognition course at the U, and saw many textbook creative traits in him.  Rob is definitely a risk-taker.  The average person wouldn’t complete a novel and send it to the publisher of his wife’s current paperback.  He is definitely quiet and self-reflective, as is shown in his hundreds of blog posts contemplating everything from books to food to road trips.  Rob clearly has intrinsic motivation, and has become a hard-working, prolific author. 

            Rob also associates closely with the creative person who suffers from anxiety issues and mental illness.  For the past two years, Rob has suffered with Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Despite the challenges, Rob continues to publish.  Writing with the intent to publish requires a totally different approach than writing just for the joy of it.  Still, the pressure a contracted author feels has been therapeutic for Rob.  “I work a lot, partly because I’m writing full-time and partly because I’m mentally ill.  I have OCD, and one of the problems I face is an inability to relax—I always need to feel like I’m doing something, or else I get sick.  Consequently, I head to my office as soon as I wake up—usually around 5:30 A.M., and I’ll stay until 6:30 or 7 P.M.  I also work Saturdays and almost all holidays.”

As a result of his hard work, Rob writes roughly six to seven thousand words a day.  According to word count, that translates into a novel roughly every two weeks.  Of course, much of his writing includes blog entries, book reviews, essays and novellas.  He has also created several podcasts about writing.  Rob is an avid tweeter, as well, and will often blog about hot topics on Twitter.  He reads a lot of books, and he reviews the books he feels strongest about.  Somehow, Rob has found the balance between writing for pleasure and writing to publish. 

“I think [writing for pleasure and writing for publication] can definitely co-exist.  I still write because I love it.  But I also write because I have deadlines to meet and bills to pay.  It’s a different mindset.  I think I have to be more practical.”  His practicality takes the form of dedicating a few months to one project before he must return to another in order to make his deadline.  He seems to work well under this kind of pressure.  “I work quickly and deadlines motivate me.  But I think that’s a learned skill.  I think the idea of ‘writer’s block’ is something a full-time writer can’t afford to have—you have to learn how to write anyway.  That said, I like writing fast.  I feel like it more fully immerses me in the story.  It gives me a better idea of what the bigger picture is.”

Despite his need to spend hours writing, Rob still makes the time, sacrifice, and effort to book public appearances and signings.  Often, these events are required by publisher contract, and cause anxiety for any author.  I can only imagine the challenge they present for Rob.  Yet, he perseveres, even when the events are out of state. 

            “My mental illness is the first thing I bring up in any presentation, just to get it out of the way.”  Rob warns the people he is speaking for that he needs an open door nearby should he feel the need to step outside, and he carries his meds in his pocket, just in case.  “Generally, there aren’t major problems.  I just finished a week where I flew to Virginia to speak at a private school, and then went to a convention where I was on five panels.  I only had to leave one of the panels early—the last one, because I’d kind of burned out and could tell a panic attack was starting.” 

            Rob is remarkably open about his illness, and his fierce desire to get the care he needs.  In a recent blog entry, he discussed a weekend visit to a mental hospital.  He admitted himself, feeling a compulsive desire to self-injure. (robisonwells.com, October 23, 2012)  Because of his position as a published author with a widening audience, Rob has become an inadvertent advocate for people with mental illnesses, and he is adamant about the need for health care coverage for the mentally ill.  Rob’s voice will reach people far beyond his sight and understanding, and he may be a strong force for change in this important issue.  This is especially true since his favorite public appearances involve schools.  I doubt he spends much time talking about his illness in that setting, but he still exposes youth to someone who is talented, artistic, personable, funny, and mentally ill.  “Schools are the best, because it’s just so much fun to talk to eager young readers.  They’re generally a more receptive audience, and more willing to engage and interact than adults.”

  In a recent essay about being LDS and having a mental illness (Deseret News, February 20, 2013), Rob wrote, “I firmly believe that as in other areas of life, conveying the truth is the key to banishing ignorance, stigma and prejudice that surround mental illness.” I asked him how his openness has been received.  “…it’s been very positive,” he said.  “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from people who are glad that I’m talking about it because they have similar problems and they’ve been afraid to talk about them.  Ever since then I’ve tried to be as open as possible—even about the scariest stuff—because I think it helps to reduce the stigma.  It shows people that you can be really sick and still be successful.” In another effort to express the truth, he wrote an essay in response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings, which addresses the importance of understanding the mentally ill and providing proper help.  (robisonwells.com, December 16, 2012)

When I asked Rob where creativity comes from, he replied, “For that, I rely heavily on Malcolm Gladwell’s research: talent gets someone interested in a topic, and that helps, but only hard work makes anyone good at it.  Anyone who puts in the effort can, I believe, be creative and successful.”  Creative people apply their creativity to every facet of their lives, and Robison Wells is a prime example of this.  He faces his trials with determination and a great tenderness and appreciation toward his wife and the way his illnesses affect her.  Somehow, he strives to create, pay his bills, be an advocate for others who also suffer from mental illness, and teach people how to love reading and writing.  I was honored to interview this amazing man, and I look forward to his continued success.

References:

Deseret News, February 20, 2013, “Mormon Author Talks About His Mental Illness and Faith,” http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765622942/Mormon-author-talks-about-his-mental-illness-and-faith.html?pg=1           




 

Applicable links:

Robison Wells’ website and blog http://www.robisonwells.com/

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Lessons from the U, #2

One of the classes I took this semester is titled "Minority Families."  It's been a difficult class to take, largely because I don't believe the color of people's skin matters.  I think diversity is beautiful, and in my ethnocentricity (ie: self-centeredness) I believe that most people think the way I do, especially in that regard.  This class has pointed out to me the racial atrocities of US history that set the stage for lingering racism that we may or may not be aware of.  It's a serious subject, and I've been appalled to learn more about the U.S. Laws and policies that have blatantly discriminated against people who don't have white skin or have a drop of "black" blood.  It's sickening and I'm ashamed of that vein of American history. 

However, I like my class.  The professor is funny in that quiet, subtle, sarcastic way, and his wonderful Spanish accent (something that he is self-conscious about, but I love) keeps me engaged.  He reminds me of my brother, Jeff.  He's built like my brother, has some of his mannerisms, and many of their features are similar even though my professor is of mixed heritage.  (Incidentally, the glimpses we've had of his heritage and experiences are so interesting that I wish he would just take a class period and talk about his life.) Any reminders of my brother make me feel comfortable, so my professor has had that going for him from the beginning.

Because I like him, I like the class.  Amazing how much a professor can influence your thoughts about the subject he's teaching.  All those things I learned about how important it is to be a supportive elementary school teacher still apply on the college level. 

He's made some interesting predictions that Jason and I have talked about at length.  So, here are some conversation starters for you, from my Minority Families professor.

By 2030, people with white skin will be in the minority (in other words, the majority of people in the U.S. will have brown skin.)  My response to this--yay! Though my pasty skin will be more rare, I think back to all of the girls I went to school with who put their lives at risk to turn brown, and I hope this change in the gene pool will help us pasty people avoid tanning beds.  :)

My professor says we should "teach our boys how to be women." Gender roles are being redefined.  He claims that the majority of men will be stay at home dads in the future.  58% of the population at the U are women.  Women have more job opportunities than men, whether in blue collar work or white collar work.  We may get paid less than men, but that is partly because we change jobs more often, work part-time more often, and start our careers later because we stay home more often during child bearing years.  (I'll be starting my career at age 42-45, and Jason will be eligible for retirement about ten years later.)

The nuclear family is not necessarily the ideal.  (I disagree with parts of this one.) Alternate family construction will become more accepted as time goes on, and people will pool their resources with roommates and extended family.  Households will have many different constructions as we cope with financial hardship.  I agree with the coping mechanisms theory.  To a large extent, most of us already look to family, friends, and neighbors to help us raise our children through daycare, occasional babysitting, or through going to our church for help during hard economic times.  Many of us consider those people family--we feel a sense of kinship.  Kids need as many adult mentors in their lives as they can get. Does that mean we shouldn't think of the nuclear family as ideal? 

Discuss....    

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Past Three Weeks

This photo is the quickest way to describe the past three weeks.  I'll have to blog about individual events as I'm ready to.  Some of what we've been through is sad and was very difficult, and I'm not sure when/if I'll blog about it.  Jason's little brother was killed in a motorcycle accident, and it's been an emotional experience for everyone who knew him.  Jason went to Fort Campbell for Frank's memorial service, then everyone came back to Salt Lake for the funeral and interment.  Since there were two services, there were ten days between the accident and the funeral.  It was a long time to be so engaged in such high emotions.  I coordinated the family luncheon, which fed 120-150 people, (I never actually counted.) and we needed help from wonderful Relief Society sisters in three different wards.  (We had so much food!  I've still got some in my freezer!) By the end of those ten days, everyone was exhausted. 

The funeral was on Tuesday, and the Youngs had a family reunion on Friday and Saturday.  I was in charge of coordinating this large event.  We don't have as large a family as the Wadsworths, but there were still 100 people to communicate with and plan food for.  So, the whole week was full of planning, food, family, visiting, laughter and sorrow. 

Then, on Sunday morning, we went out of town.  Jason has to ask for time off in November every year, and since we knew we were having the family reunion the second weekend in June, we decided to schedule a vacation for the following week.  With everything that happened, we debated on cancelling the vacation.  But, Jason's brother, Hyrum, told us to come and visit him in Seattle anyway.  So, we took the opportunity while it was there. 

We got home late Thursday night, and Russ left for Youth Conference this afternoon.  Plus, tomorrow is the first of a series of writing courses for Write for the Heights.  I've been looking forward to this class for months.  Our summer won't officially start until Monday. 

I promise more details, photos, and maybe even an insight or two.  Later.  :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

What people live through

Isn't it amazing what people live through?

Yesterday, a couple of friends of mine offered to watch Jessica at rehearsal, then they ran into some problems with their own daughter.  She is manic depressive, and if she doesn't take her medication, she goes manic.  She was wandering downtown all night, looking for her car.  She called her dad in the morning, while he was sitting with Jessi, to tell him that she couldn't find her car.  He went and got her and helped her find her car.  As soon as they found it, she jumped in it and took off.  Last I heard, he didn't know where she was.  Meanwhile, his sweet wife came to rehearsal to sit with Jessi, even though she was barely keeping it together.  I sent her home.  Her husband came back later in the morning to check on us--that was when he told me everything that had been going on.  Again, I sent him home.  Here, they are going through a crisis, and they still take the time to check up on me.

I think of Starbuck and her mom and the cancer treatments.  I think of dear friends of mine who have a 3 year old daughter with a brain tumor, and they have been going through cancer treatments since December.  I know so many people who deal with autism and other permanent disabilities.  Day after day.   Health problems, money problems, failed relationships.  People deal with things that are hard and heavy and so painful!

How easy it would be to let all of this weigh us down!  And yet, we know that is not a viable choice.  We must cry a little, then pick up and move on.  Life is an upstream journey.  We must plant our feet and press against the current.  Step by step.  Day by day.

We can do hard things!