Doing some research for my new novel, I came across an acronym that I was curious about. I was sure it had some sort of sexual/physical connotation because of the context in which I heard it. When I found out more about it I was a bit shocked--in a Molly Mormon way. Ever heard of NCMO? I'm sure most of you have because I'm a sheltered lady who's been dating the same guy for 18 1/2 years. It's pronounced nickmo, and it means non-committal make-out. I'll admit I probably had one or two of those in my lifetime, but they were with guys I went out with three or four times. (They were non-committal because I knew nothing would come of the relationship, the guy was just fun and attractive.)
As an old married lady, this phenomenon kind of surprises me. I guess it’s the brazenness of it. “In my day,” we at least pretended to really like each other. I was the kind of girl who never kissed on the first date. The one time I did, I married him. :)
It also seems like something that could really get people in trouble. Coming together with the intent of having a merely physical relationship seems wrong. It’s a one-evening–stand. I wonder what we would call it if someone made money from such swapping of spit? I realize it’s not nearly as serious as prostitution or one-night-stands, so I don't want to over-state myself or be judgmental. I’ve kissed more guys than I could count on my fingers. (I don’t think I’ve kissed more than fingers and toes, but I don’t remember, if you want the truth.) How is this kind of hooking up different than soft porn? Isn’t it purposely turning each other on in an effort to relieve tension? A make-out is more than a kiss. They used to call it necking. Isn’t that part of sex? I recently heard that any action which leads to sex or encourages sexual thought is part of a sexual relationship. That's certainly a conservative view and it could be taken too far. Flirting can lead to sex or sexual thoughts, but flirting isn’t necessarily something you have to talk to your bishop about, you know? (If it were, the entire theater community would be lined up at their bishop's office...)
I guess there was a website at BYU that was set up expressly for the NCMO phenomenon. People could hook up just for a little action. Seems wrong to me. Seems awfully inviting for perverts and predators. A slippery slope, to be sure. I found one NCMO site that had 170 male members and 40 female members--most of them live in Provo. That in itself makes me a little sick and seems like a huge red flag.
Any thoughts? Experiences? You can share privately, if you're willing to share. amymaidawadsworth@gmail.com It's research. I won't tell a soul. I may, however, fictionalize it and have it published. :)
This first time I heard the term was in a John Bytheway talk. I had no idea it went as far as you've found it to! I can't believe someone would sign up on a website just to meet and make out! Wow. No wonder we hear so many talks about chastity.
ReplyDeleteI only kissed once on the first date, too, and I married him! How funny!
ReplyDeleteI have heard of NCMO, but also think it's totally wrong, and asking for trouble.
As I received comments, I read this over again and should clarify something: the website wasn't set up AT BYU. It was set up by BYU students and frequented by BYU students, but it in no way was endorsed by the University.
ReplyDeleteGah! I remembered a NCMO story. A funny one.
ReplyDeleteIt was my junior year at BYU, so that would put it fall of 1998. I'd found an empty room in the education building to do homework in. At some point in the evening a guy walked in, someone I'd never seen before. He sat down at the table I was at and asked if he could ask me a favor. I was suspicious, but figured he could ask. He said, "Will you make out with me?" Um, no. Don't think so. Who asks strangers that?
So then I decided I should study in the library instead.
A few nights later I was leaving the library at night to walk home and another guy I've never met before stopped me and told me I shouldn't walk home alone because you never know who is out there and if he was my home teacher he wouldn't be letting me walk home and he offered to walk me home. Um, no. Because see, I don't know you.
After that, one of my roommates and I would meet up at the library when we were both done studying and walk home together.