Melancholy joy

Still going through papers. I knew this would be the part of the organization process that would discourage me, and I was right. Not too bad, though. Not bad enough to stop.

By the way, if you ever need religious or Christmas sheet music, come check out my library before you buy any. We have A LOT of sheet music. Especially choral sheet music.

While I was going through papers today, I found a melancholy treasure. I found all the paperwork from Jessi's diagnosis--the questionairre, the paperwork from the psychologist, the teachers who told me to take her to a psychologist, and everything. It was an amazing reminder of how difficult things used to be and how far she's come. I flipped through the papers and was only able to read a few things, but this find made me so grateful.

She had another seizure tonight. It was short, but she seemed effected by it. She said the family prayer tonight and cried all the way through it. I wish I could help her through her frustration, but there's really nothing I can do. Still, she pushes me away when I try to hold her while she's crying. I can't help but wonder what the future holds. Will we go full circle with her? Will things be just as hard as they used to be, but in different ways? What will happen to her when I'm gone? These questions come hard and fast lately. More frequently the older she gets. Despite the stress and worry of these thoughts, I love her so much and I'm so grateful.

I guess I'm proof that it's possible to feel melancholy and joy at the same time about the same thing. Needless to say, that's one old file I'm keeping.